Interview with Dr. Offig from Dr. Offig’s Lessons from the Dark Side
(PSG) It is very good- albeit a little peculiar- finally meeting you face to face Dr. Offig- however I must say that being in your study reminds me of being back at school and summoned to the headmaster’s office. (nervous pause) Do you have a first name that I can call you?
(OFFIG) Why good afternoon and welcome Mr. Gifford, I have to say it is a bit irregular meeting you also- and you are much better looking than I expected and simply call me doctor if you don’t mind.
(PSG) So, doctor, our latest book is “Dr. Offig’s Lesson’s from the Dark Side,” why are you adamant on calling your accounts lessons?
(OFFIG) I feel that in this day and age that some traditional lessons are jolly well needed! I have been teaching for many years now, more than I will ever admit to in fact. I feel that some old-fashioned values is just what the youth of today could use a healthy dose of… Wouldn’t you agree?
(PSG) Absolutely! (PSG nods animatedly!) I also like the equal doses of scares, humor and mystery elements you use in you erm…’lessons.’ Was this your intention?
(OFFIG) Of course it was! (OFFIG waves his hand over his head as if insulted by the question) You of all people should know that. What a silly question to ask! Everyone knows to keep the reader interested you need to entertain them! Can I get a better question next time please? My time is very precious- I am, after all, penning a new book… (He glances at his watch- which isn’t working- and is stuck on twelve o’clock.)
(PSG) So you plan on writing several more in the series?
(OFFIG) I thought that calling it volume one might be a hint. Yes- I hope to write several more volumes. I have so many more things I would like to teach.
(PSG) I can see by this cluttered office of yours that books play a huge part of your life… Am I correct?
(OFFIG) Oh yes! Indeed! Absolutely! Books are my very favorite things to own- They are just so lovely to look at. (All at once Offig opens a drawer and pulls out a plate of chocolate éclairs) Would you like one? (He waves the plate of éclairs in fronts of PSG’s nose.)
(PSG ) No thank you!
(OFFIG) Please yourself. (As he speaks he takes a large bight of an éclair) They are frightfully good you know.
(PSG) So the book is getting rave reviews! How does that make you feel?
(OFFIG) (Offig shoves the rest of the éclair into his mouth and chews it slowly as he thinks.)
(OFFIG) It is very rewarding young man that our efforts are being appreciated. It is jolly hard work writing a book you know.
(PSG- OFFIG) (Both nod in agreement.)
(OFFIG) But, I have to say it is one of my proudest moments. Nothing makes me happier and more fulfilled than when I see someone enjoying a book- particularly one of ours! (OFFIG chuckles heartily.)
(PSG) So when is volume 2 coming out?
(OFFIG) Well, I have almost finished it. (Offig fumbles through his cluttered desk and picks up a binder.) Yes- here it is! (Several scraps of paper with scribbles over them fall out- and he quickly shoves them back inside.)
(PSG) So I have read that adults are enjoying our book as much as young adults.
(OFFIG) Well, I firmly believe that within all of us, no matter how old we get is a child. Childhood is such a magical time- and nearly everyone has a fond memory. This book taps into those magical moments of days long passed to many adults. It also encourages a child’s imagination to flourish. Imagination is so very important don’t you know. Indeed if it wasn’t for your imagination where would I be today?
(PSG) I must say we do seem to work very well together.
(OFFIG) Well, I hope that I do not appear rude- I have a lecture in a few minutes. I cannot remember for the least of me where it is all what it is about- but I suppose I will fumble my way through it as always. When in doubt I always lecture on Offig-ology!
(PSG) And for anyone not familiar with that term I suggest purchasing the book.
(PSG and OFFIG once more nod keenly and in unison.)
(PSG) Well it has been entertaining chatting with you, Doctor.
(OFFIG) And you too young man- please keep up the good work.
And with a parting handshake a satisfied PS Gifford exits Dr. Offig’s cluttered office.