Vampyre Blood – Eight Pints of Trouble by George Earl Parker

Vampyre Blood

George Parker 2

About George Earl Parker

George Earl Parker is an author, singer/songwriter, and artist. As designer and director of the short film “Yellow Submarine Sandwich,” included in Eric Idle’s pseudo-documentary of a band called the Rutles, Parker received accolades, awards, and a showing at the Museum of Modern Art in New York City.

His art has been exhibited in museums and galleries around the country, and three of his songs have shown up on the European Country Music Association charts.

Vampyre Blood-Eight Pints of Trouble is his first novel. He currently lives in California where he is working on his music and his second book.  You can visit his website at


Latest news!  Listen to George Earl Parker’s latest country hit,

Out of the Fire here!


Vampyre Blood

About Vampyre Blood – Eight Pints of Trouble

When young New Orleans lawyer Bradley Harrington Chester III lies dying in the street after being hit by a speeding car, it seems that his life is over. But as his spirit drifts away toward a distant light, he is approached by an exotic fellow who claims to be both the Count Dracula of legend, and a violin player for The Techno Zombies, a Goth rock band on a world tour.

The Count explains that with the aid of a wizard he has abandoned his dark legacy, and now finds himself in need of a legal representative. So he offers Brad a deal–Brad can shuffle off into the light wherever it may lead, or he can become his lawyer, and be revived by a transfusion of Vampyre Blood.

The very last thing the young lawyer remembers before dying was his wife asking for a divorce, and prior to that he remembered being handed the prosecution of a mafia kingpin on his first day at the district attorney’s office. He wondered why the DA was so friendly to him, and so nasty to his star attorney Richard Bleddon, and he wondered why Bleddon had arranged a champagne supper at a fancy restaurant for him and his wife. After which, a speedy midget had snatched his wife’s purse and led him out into the street to die.

Impatiently, the Count presses for an answer to his offer, and after being assured that he will not become a Vampyre himself, Brad accepts, hoping to return and make sense of the madness that brought him to the brink of death. Populated by loveable rogues, scheming lawyers, and thieving gypsies, Vampyre Blood-Eight-Pints of Trouble is an insane romp through New Orleans, illustrating the intensity of our human desire to get what we want at any cost, and the strange places that desire can lead to.

Read the Excerpt!

Transylvania – Present DayHe lingered in the darkest shadows staring at a shimmering pool of white light as the roar of a thousand dragons filled his ears. Like a tragic lover in a mystery play seeking the most ardent of his heart’s desires, he had often stood in such fashion, lusting after one sweet caress, while restraining himself from leaping into the soft warm glow.
“She lives to enchant,” he murmured. “She is a temptress, sometimes cold and sometimes hot, but always alluring.”
Her radiance had beguiled him for centuries: what would it be like if he fell under her spell? What dreams awaited him? What nightmares? What adventures?
The wind whispered through the trees urging him on, while a stab of doubt struck him in the chest with such force he couldn’t move. What if his miraculous cure was a lie? Stepping into a beam of full sunlight was instant death to a vampyre. It vexed him mightily to hesitate, for hesitation was not his strongest suit.
“There shall be one death here today,” he told the breeze. “One way or another, I shall be reduced to dust, or I shall die to myself and be reborn.”
Mere steps away, rays of sunlight spilled through the leafy canopy, and danced seductively on the forest floor.
It’s now or never, he thought. For if there was one thing he’d gleaned from centuries of nocturnal meditation, it was that a step in any new direction required trust. Trust was the key to all metamorphosis.
His constitution steeled, he flexed his muscles to move, and a spine-chilling roar screamed out of nowhere, followed by blinding flashes of light.
He was perplexed. Was this some evil necromancy designed to staunch his flow into the future? Or was it a warning, that hideous beasts would tear him limb from limb if he dared try?
It was a conundrum of epic proportions. But in the vast complexity of it all he was reminded of his lineage: he was a nobleman, a lord. His bloodline would not allow him to vacillate; he made decisions and adhered to them for good or bad.
As the sands ran out for hesitation he gathered up his fear, turned its power to courage, and stepped into the light.
It had been forever since he’d stood inside a sunbeam, and this wasn’t just one, this was a thousand of them crisscrossed in every direction over his path. The wind breathed a sigh of relief, and the leaves shook and chattered wildly, as rays of sunlight jiggled, danced, splashed and played all around him.
He had been absolutely incapable of emotion for as long as he could remember, but instantly he found himself surfing the tunnel of a tidal wave that emanated from deep in his beleaguered soul. He shook like an erupting volcano, shed tears like a raging waterfall, and his ears ached from the pure unmitigated joy that pounded out of his heart.
It had worked! Nothing could stop him now; he was free, free to do as he pleased
The maddening roar of beasts had grown to a stampede, and their growling and snarling was drowning his thoughts. Leaving the pool of light, he moved toward the source of the sound. He gazed one way and the other along a living green wall, as if a huge pair of clippers had trimmed the forest like a massive hedge, as far as the eye could see.
He reached out, parted some leaves, and gazed at a gooey, oozy, gray mess of motion that confounded him beyond belief. Is this more spell binding? He wondered, then it dawned on him, the tears of joy he had shed so abundantly were obscuring his vision. Blinking them away, he gazed curiously upon a scene he had no words in his mind to describe.
Huge metal beasts of all shapes and sizes roared by on round rubber legs. No, no, no, he told himself, they’re not legs, they’re wheels! It was true, they were wheels, but they moved ten times faster than those on any horse-drawn carriage.
What on earth had happened? Overnight he had changed, and inexplicably the world around him had also changed. It was a profound mystery, but one he would have to solve later, because just yesterday evening he had made a promise to Igor that he would start afresh in a land called America, and a gentleman never breaks a promise.

Here’s what reviewers have to say!

Well, it is.  It’s got a very interesting plot will all sorts of different characters juxtaposed for the readers’ pleasure.  Parker skillfully develops the characters to the point that it is possible to “know” them.  This book is a wild and crazy ride that I do recommend to anyone interested in the ride.

–Obsession with Reading (read full review)

Although it’s a vampire book, it’s not overwhelmingly dark. It focuses more on people and criminals and lawyers and gangs made up of midget Romanian gypsies than vampires, however you get enough of the Count for your fill of the paranormal. Do you love Vamps? Do you love light wit and sarcastic humor? Do you love Lawyer jokes? Vampyre Blood is for you.

– The Life and Lies of an Inanimate Flying Object (read full review)

I highly recommend this book.  It’s perfect for summer at the beach. Just be ready for weird looks when you find yourself laughing out loud while reading it.

– This Book for Free (read full review)

Get the book and enjoy the ride through New Orleans with Count Dracula and all of the other crazy characters in the book.

—Books R Us (read full review)

It’s a fun romp that readers are sure to remember….

– Readaholic (read full review)

From the mystical aspect to the espionage, to hired hit men and back handed dealings, there is a little something for everyone genre wise in this book.

–Satisfaction for Insatiable Readers (read full review)

This book was very much a mystery to me as I read it. Most books you can make a pretty accurate guess at what is going to happen, this book left you very much on the edge as you get to follow through with this part of his life. For those who are mystery/suspense or even Medical Suspense this book would be perfect for you.. A very good quick read book. Well put together.

–Star Shadow (read rest of review here)

Its humor will brighten any day and its perspective will lighten your heart. It’s silly, it’s endearing, it’s very human, and it will make you laugh out loud.

–Simply Stacie (read rest of review here)

This is so totally NOT your everyday Dracula book! In fact in this humerous rendition, Dracula wants to end his evil ways and be a “good” guy!

–Jen’s Book Talk (read rest of review here)

…what you think is a vampire story is more of a look at life lessons and the inherent nature of human beings. (As I do agree with Ricky Pittman, who is quoted on the back of the book) I enjoyed this one very much and think that it can appeal to a wide audience.

–The Cajun Book Lady (read rest of review here)


About Nyx

Podcaster, baker, zine reviewer and maker.

Posted on April 26, 2010, in Fiction, Paranormal. Bookmark the permalink. Comments Off on Vampyre Blood – Eight Pints of Trouble by George Earl Parker.

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